Roof Top Tears
by flame gazer
Summary: Edward Elric is sitting on the roof of East H.Q. because, like all of us, he just needs to be alone. But what happens when the love of his life finds out that Ed has feelings for him? Roy X Ed oneshot


Roof Top Tears

The air was cold, but that was to be expected. Especially since it's lightly snowing and I'm sitting on the rooftop of East H.Q.

I come up here sometimes, just to clear my head. I don't have to worry about who sees me, 'cause no one knows that I come here. Because no one else ever comes here. There's no one to remind me how tall I am, no arrogant bastard to use my past against me, no reminders of how this is all my fault. There's nothing to remind me that I have to fix all of this.

Al always says that he wants his body back. And I'm trying so hard. I remember that he once told me that he wants to smell the salty air that comes off of the ocean. Well, there is no ocean in sight, but I can smell the saltiness in the air. But then again, that just might be the scent of my tears.

I don't know how much longer I can take being this…this failure to Al. And with Mustang always reminding me how much I royally screw up everything, I almost feel like giving up. Almost. But I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. I can't let Al down. Again. I have nothing else but this search. And I did give up, wouldn't be able to see… to see him.

Sometimes, I wonder if I've gone crazy, because I shouldn't be feeling this. At seventeen, I should be over the short jokes, especially now that he is only centimeters taller than me, but I still spazz out when he mentions my height. Most people think that it's just habit, and it kind of is. But I'm afraid that if I don't show him anger, he'll find the emotion that I have tried so hard to hide for all these years.

Fresh tears start running down my cheeks. Why can't I tell him? What do I have to fear?

I know what I have to fear. Him rejecting me, him rejecting my love, that's what I have to fear.

I sigh, and look out over the city, the lights looking like the shinning tears of the crescent moon that feel onto the earth. The stars are shining above my head, just like the glint that lurks in his eye when he smiles, truly smiles. I can't have him. I have to move on; I know that I have to move on. Yet I'm up here, freezing my ass off, pouring my heart onto these rooftops.

I give up on love, I really do. "Do you hear me? I give up! Are you happy now?" I scream at the sky, hating the dark, glittering coldness that remind me so much of him.

I hug my knees to my chest, the coldness from my metal limbs not helping me any as I shiver from the cold. Fresh sobs wrack my body, just as I was starting to think that I had run out of tears.

"Why can't I just get you out of my head? Why can't I just stop loving you?" I softly whispered to myself. The tears felt like they would never stop; ice trails ran down my cheeks from where the tears have met the frigid wind. My hair clung to my face and neck, damp from the snow.

I felt a hand upon my shoulder and spun around as fast as my damp, ice stiffened clothes allowed me to.

It's him, the man that I can hardly tell if I want to throttle or kiss, the man that I had no chance of doing either to. Roy Mustang.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask. I don't even bother to try to stop my tears or to wipe away trails that previous ones have left.

"I asked you a question." I couldn't decide if I wanted him to stay. On one hand, I would be alone to think again and to feel completely alone and dejected. On the other hand he could stay, and make me feel the way he always makes me feel. Love. Hate. Lust. Fear. Lonely. Lonelier then I could ever feel by myself, knowing that the man I love is so near, yet so fucking far it isn't even funny.

"You're going to get sick. And with how much snow is falling, we wont be able to find you in a while." I know that he's trying to bait me, and right now I could care less, so I just turn back around and continue sulking as if he had never interrupted. "Fullmetal, is something wrong?"

"Fullmetal? Fullmetal I order you to answer me."

I continue to ignore him. I mean, why should I care about what he has to say? As long as it's not a new mission, then I don't see a need for him to be talking to me. Instead I concentrate on the snow that is coming down a bit thicker. But to my amazement, the stars could still be seen, so I just look at the sky. And no, I am NOT thinking about how much they look like his eyes.

"Fullmetal, did you just disobey a direct order? I think you know what that means. Court martial which means that everyone would find out about your 'little' incident with human transmutation. We don't want that, now do we?"

"I know you love it when I'm not here, so can you just do us both a favor and pretend that I'm not?"

I dint even have to turn around to know that I had finally wiped that damned smirk off of his smug face.

"Do you really think that? That I hate having you around?"

"Well, isn't obvious? You have me here to infuriate for your amusement, then send me on some joke of a mission, make sure you know EXACTLY how bad I screw up so you can rub it in my face before sending me off again. Man, you're so lucky my height doesn't even bug me anymore, or we would be having some big fucking problems."

I was mad. No, scratch that, I was beyond mad. I was flat out pissed. I wasn't ever thinking about what I was saying anymore.

"It doesn't bug you anymore? Then would you care to explain why you act like a child of your ….stature… whenever the topic is brought up?"

He just loves to piss me off.

"I'm getting tired of you knocking me for something that isn't even a big deal anymore. I hat the way I have to get mad so that you wont know that it hurts. I mean, how the hell would you feel if the person you loved picked at something you couldn't change and when it finally did change, the pain never stopped, 'cause you never left me the fuck alone! I know that I'll never be perfect enough. Ok? I get it now; can't you just let it go?"

Rage still controlled my thoughts and mouth.

"Bastard."

What? I couldn't help myself.

"You love me Ed?"

My eyes went wide, and my breathing stopped. Me hearted skipped a beat (or four).

Two words entered my mind at that instant. UH and OH.

Now that I think about it, I think that I should have started thinking awhile ago.

I got up as fast as I could and considered my options for escape which are as follows:

A) Try to run past the Colonial who was oh so efficiently blocking the door to go inside of H.Q. and risk getting caught by him.

Or

B) jump off the roof and hope that he'll wake up tomorrow thinking that it was all a dream. And besides, the snow can't be all THAT hard. Right?

Either way you put it, I'm thoroughly screwed.

I turn away from him and make a break for the roof ledge. For some reason jumping off of the roof seems like such a good idea. Even though I'm a couple of stories up, it's all going to be ok as long as I get away from him.

Isn't it kind of pathetic that I'm running from the only person that I've ever had any remote feelings for?

I reach the edge of the roof and look down. Suddenly jumping a couple of stories to land in hard snow didn't seem like such a great idea after all.

I spun around hoping that I could get to the door before Mustang caught me. I ran right into his chest. Ggrrreatt… I'm so screwed.

Fuck you Murphy and your damned law too.

I don't understand how, but he ended up on top of me. Which I'll isn't half bad (worlds BIGGEST understatement), but thank whatever god there is that's letting me keep something that resembles self control.

"You love me Ed?" he asked again. Someone must have turned up the temperature (even though I'm outside) or something because my cheeks are completely crimson and I can feel them becoming redder as I realize that not only is he straddling me, his chest is on top of mine and he's… he's… just… so… close…

He settles his entire weight on top of me, which has my head spinning, it's getting harder to breathe, and having him this close, this searing feeling in the pit of my stomach is taking control of my thoughts.

I can feel his hot breath against my neck as his lips ever so gently brush against the sensitive spot right behind my ear. A soft moan escaped from my throat.

Roy giggled in my ear. I heard him say "I think I have an answer now."

I felt his lips against mine.

It's my fist kiss.

It's our first kiss.

The first of many.

The air was cold, but that was to be expected. Especially since it's lightly snowing and I'm sitting on the rooftop of East H.Q.

I guess I shouldn't complain though. Especially since there is a warm fire before me, and the man of my dreams is sleeping with his head on my chest.

What do you think? I hope I did well; this is the first fan fic that I've ever written with a RoyxEd pairing.

Review Please!

Tiffany


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